- Medical Marvel, Legend, Alien
Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love Bernard Hopkins any more than I already do, he proves me wrong once again. Playing the nickname game with such aplomb it’d make Godzilla blush, Hopkins announced his name change Wednesday while in New York promoting his July 13th light-heavyweight fight against German contender, Karo Murat.
As Fightnews reports, Hopkins is retiring his old, serviceable but meh moniker “Executioner” for something more befitting a fighter who, at the sports-ancient age of 48, remains at the top of his game, defeating opponents seventeen years his junior and breaking his OWN record as the oldest boxer to win a world title. The man defies logic and nature. He’s not supposed to be able to do all the things he keeps on doing.
Many boxing experts, including Stephen Espinoza, EVP of Showtime Sports, attribute Hopkin’s freakish abilities to a combination of incredible genes, strict diet and intense conditioning. Espinoza has even gone as far to declare Hopkins a “medical marvel.” Sure, Espinoza may be right, but that’s not the whole story. I’ve long suspected something else was at work here; something more than just a helluva roll of the genetic dice, sweat and lean protein. Something sinister that Hopkins, and possibly Espinoza, were hiding. The dark forces of necromancy? A military corporal reconstruction experiment gone gloriously right? Whatever it was, I knew it was something unnatural. Unearthly. And that it was bound to come out. Clearly, this is why Hopkins had to change his nickname – because he could no longer hide his true identity from the citizens of planet Earth.
I must confess that I am not human. I am an alien. I have retired ‘The Executioner.’ You will not hear me be called ‘The Executioner.’ You will not hear Bernard Hopkins, after right now, mention ‘The Executioner.’ I will be representing what I have been told that I am. I am in this world, but I am not of this world.
Bernard “The Alien” Hopkins. His new name suits him. And it’s the COOLEST boxing nickname ever. Well, second-coolest. Tapeworm and Stranger Danger tie for first place in my book. Of course, they’re my own boxing names so I’m a bit biased.